


i'm always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart

by Magepaw



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Alchemy, Canon Compliant, Canon Trans Character, Chronic Illness, Disturbing Themes, F/M, Fate Episode Spoilers (Granblue Fantasy), Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:09:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magepaw/pseuds/Magepaw
Summary: “Teehee! Ouroboros thought you smelled interesting, so he carried you to my work chambers. He was correct to do so. Your case is fascinating... Sarunan.”She held up a familiar journal, tapping the cover. Sarunan gritted his teeth, long ears set at a wary angle. He carried that journal on his person at all times. It detailed the forbidden curse he had used to steal Honey from her shrine and bind her to himself, and how the reader could take his place in case of his own untimely death.It was dangerous knowledge for someone to possess while he was still alive.
Relationships: Kazann/Sarunan (Granblue Fantasy)
Kudos: 2





	i'm always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart

**Author's Note:**

> just another small cross-fate drabble like my [elta](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24502969) one, granblue please hire me to write support conversations for old characters no one cares about anymore; brief spoilers for post-000 and maybe alchemist's desire if you squint, references sarunan light/dark fate eps, possibly upsetting imagery re: sickness and bodies?? 
> 
> [title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vin7SJMTSBQ). oh, to be in love with a ghost and to be voiced by namidai~

Spirit butterflies drifted across a yawning abyss, the only spots of color against a backdrop of darkness. Sarunan did not know if he was dreaming or awake, if this was hallucination or reality. Those boundaries were blurring for him anyway. Black ichor oozed from his nostrils, his ears, his parted lips. His skin began to slough off in slow waves, leaving pools of inky slime where his body had been. As he watched passively, the fluttering wings of insects disintegrated into dust, plunging him in shadow. 

_Where is she._

Brief panic swept through his scattered awareness. Sarunan extended his magic outward into the tenebrous void, reaching, searching – and yes, though he could not see them, there was his staff, there was his Honey, nearby and unharmed.

He slumped in relief, the sludge that made up his form sinking into a puddle. It didn't matter where he was or what was left of him, then. The darkness could keep him.

Clinical and cold, an unfamiliar voice filtered through the endless black sea where Sarunan gently drowned.

“Hmph... Appears to be a case of severe malnutrition. Besides the obvious loss of muscle mass, the subject's gums are swollen and bleeding, their skin is bruised all over, their hair is brittle and falling out... It's been going on for a long time, then. How curious to be aboard the Grandcypher in such a state of neglect. Is the captain aware, I wonder?”

Sarunan's skull ached from the pressure built up inside it, fit to burst. Dimly he realized that meant he still had a skull to speak of. Reality was returning, then; how unfortunate. Dreams were the only respite he had these days.

Sarunan tried to give voice to his protest to whatever this latest well-intentioned but useless healer, apothecary, or priest had to say about him – _yes, I swear I'm still eating, no, I'm not starving myself_ – but his dry mouth could only form an ugly croak. The hands prodding at his jaw receded.

“Oh, are you conscious? Don't try to move too quickly or you'll injure yourself. You passed out on the deck.”

His heavy-lidded eyes struggled open. Lamp light pierced through his skull like a holy spike.

Sarunan groaned and tried to shield his sensitive eyes, but his heavy limbs were unresponsive. As he blinked back tears, his swimming vision pieced together a confusing picture of the blurry stranger looming over him – a round, cherubic face framed with soft golden hair and a childishly oversized ribbon. Her juvenile, cutesy aesthetic was at odds with the mature voice he'd heard addressing him, but there was no one else here – save for Honey, of course. Honey was always with him.

“This isn't the sickbay,” Sarunan observed hoarsely. “Where...”

He groped about until he found his glasses. With difficulty, he managed to raise himself off the examination table, and pulled his robes shut over his gaunt, sunken chest. He had wasted away to little more than a skeleton, and didn't appreciate being on display. Sensation returning to his limbs meant the familiar chill settling deep in his bones, the shivering cold that no amount of heavy robes and furs could fully stave off. His teeth chattered, hands trembling as though it were the dead of winter. It was so easy to take things like body fat for granted... 

Honey's soft chime sounded nearby, for his ears only. Concern, reproach, warning.

“Don't sulk, Honey, you know this is perfectly normal for me. I'm as fine as ever. Right as rain–”

Sarunan's voice broke into a dry, racking cough. As he squinted through his glasses at the unfamiliar chamber – overflowing bookshelves, stacks of sample jars and raw materials, a desk piled high with research notes and anatomical diagrams – his unsteady gaze settled on the girl of unknown age intensely studying him.

Sarunan was no longer dreaming, but there was still something unnatural tugging at his magical sensitivities that he couldn't quite put a finger on. There was something deceptively innocent about her youthful appearance, something lurking beneath the carefully crafted façade that even his fraying senses warned him was dangerous. Perhaps they weren't alone in the room, wherever they were. Then she smiled, and Sarunan saw the sharp glint of far too many teeth, and realized she wasn't quite human.

“Teehee! Ouroboros thought you smelled interesting, so he carried you to my work chambers. He was correct to do so. Your case is fascinating... Sarunan.”

She held up a familiar journal, tapping the cover. Sarunan gritted his teeth, long ears set at a wary angle. He carried that journal on his person at all times. It detailed the forbidden curse he had used to steal Honey from her shrine and bind her to himself, and how the reader could take his place in case of his own untimely death.

It was dangerous knowledge for someone to possess while he was still alive.

“Who are you and what do you want,” he demanded.

“Why, it's Cagliostro, resident genius, alchemist, and cutest girl in all the skies~!” Cagliostro chirped, pitching her voice into a cheery falsetto. Then her eyes narrowed, playfulness vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. “And I know a thing or two about healing spells, so clean out your ears and listen up. I can repair tissue damage, sure, but your body will continue to break down faster each time. Magic alone can't fuel a spirit. If you reach the point of organ failure, I can even transmute some new parts for you, but you'd be too weak to survive the transplant. You don't have much longer to live.”

Sarunan glowered at her, dropping all pretenses of niceties. “It's none of your business. I'm not interested in alchemy. I researched what your discipline could offer me, and any body it could create for Honey would be nothing more than a puppet with no life force to sustain her. It would be no different from the staff. A temporary shell.”

Cagliostro cocked an eyebrow at him, unimpressed.

“If all you desire is the fantasy of companionship, a flesh puppet would suit you two just fine. Kazann could speak and interact with the world, for a time. You'd have a hand to hold, a warm body to lay with, and then you both die in each other's arms when your life force runs out,” Cagliostro shrugged. “Happy ending.”

“Disgusting," Sarunan bristled. "Don't reduce our pure and glorious love to something so base as carnal pleasure.”

Oh, he lied, he lied, Sarunan would give anything he had to hold Honey's hand, to run his fingers through her hair, to wear her scent on his skin, it was true – his wild flights of fancy were scrawled all through the margins of the journal, from the sleepless nights when he could no longer hold onto a rational thought beyond Honey, Honey, _Honey_. His obsession would no doubt be satisfied by letting the delirium consume him entirely, but – then she would be lost, and he had to do this for her, too. He had to hold on to his sanity so that she could have a future, with or without him.

He stood as if to storm out, but his treacherous legs gave out beneath him. He sagged heavily against the table, struggling to catch his breath. This body betrayed him at every turn. His wild eyes darted to the staff, then back to Cagliostro - no, not in front of a stranger. 

In a strained voice, Sarunan hissed, “What I desire is to create a vessel capable of giving Honey her own life beyond mine. If our link is severed as it is now, she will cease to exist permanently, and I cannot abide by a world in which a being as beautiful and perfect as Honey cannot exist in. Estalucia is the only key to our happy ending.”

Honey's windchime voice rang stronger in his ears, rattling his teeth. The staff, the staff. He pointedly ignored her objection and clung to the table for balance. His weak spells always passed if he endured them long enough. 

Cagliostro stroked her chin, pondering. She ignored his plight completely, to her credit. “Keep an open mind. She could be granted true life through a philosopher's stone,” she pointed out. “A mortal body, like your notes detail. But such an endeavor would demand–”

“–Sacrifice of lives, which Honey will not allow,” Sarunan interjected quickly. “As I said, alchemy is a dead end for us.”

“Interesting that you say the _spirit_ objects, but you don't,” Cagliostro observed. She raised an eyebrow, waiting.

Sarunan swallowed, but did not avert his hardened gaze. If Cagliostro had read all of his notes, then she already knew what sort of a monster he had become – his desperate, mad ramblings about the abundant life force of children, about abducting and grooming a successor with compatible energy, about the remote Erune village and what he had done to them. His trail stained with guilt, the favors he owed kept piling up, and still, his time ran ever shorter. In his more lucid moments, even he was horrified by how far he'd fallen.

When he made no attempt to deny it, Cagliostro barked a laugh, eyes glittering dark.

“I think I see the full picture now! You're a selfish, stubborn creature, demanding everything on your own terms and destroying yourself in the process. Maybe you're right to seek out the Astrals. They're just as contemptible as you.”

Honey's chimes jangled in distress, disagreeing with the cynical assessment. Sarunan's expression twisted into a fond, if bitter, smile. She believed in his kindness, because she was a kind spirit; Cagliostro saw his darkness, because she harbored darkness as well. His light faded a little more with each passing day, and soon the dark was all that would remain.

Cagliostro turned to rummage through her desk, muttering as she did so. “If you want to extend your time in the short term, you should be eating for two. Pack in as much protein and fat as you can. Try to put on weight. Gentle exercise might keep your muscles from atrophying so quickly. Anything to extend the life in that shriveled carcass, and keep you from losing consciousness.”

“It doesn't matter what happens to me,” Sarunan scoffed under his breath. "Only Honey matters."

His wasted stomach could scarcely keep solid food down anymore. Not to mention some of his molars had grown uncomfortably loose lately, making chewing anything harder than bread a gamble. The very suggestion of increasing his caloric intake made him queasy. 

Cagliostro shot him a withering look as though he was nothing but a mewling babe in her eyes. “Keep your priorities straight, lackwit. If your body fails due to your own poor maintenance, you lose everything you worked for. Forget Estalucia – you won't last to the end of the month.”

Honey rang out like a bell, enthusiastically agreeing. She was always on his case for not prioritizing himself over her, doting partner that she was.

“Oh, Honey, of course I'll try harder for you, you deserve better from me,” Sarunan crooned, fevered eyes glazing over. How could he be so careless with the vessel they shared? He could probably spare the time to make a nutritional plan and take more walks. Surely he wasn't the only passenger aboard the ship who needed soft meals; the galley could accommodate him... if it was for Honey.

Cagliostro muttered something venomous under her breath about romance and dug deeper into the drawer. Then she whipped around, triumphantly brandishing a notebook.

“But! If it's Astral research you're seeking, I may have a valuable lead for you. The Astral Lucilius, creator of the original primal beasts, mad scientist and all-around bastard – I happen to have copies of some of his notes, from the one facility that wasn't destroyed.”

Sarunan gaped. He had chased so many dead ends on his own and wasted so much precious time, and here, right aboard the Grandcypher, there was a treasure trove of information waiting to be discovered. Cagliostro smirked, waving the notebook lazily in front of him, and Sarunan did not bother trying to hide his interest, ears rigid, eyes wide as saucers.

“I don't know much of primal beasts,” Sarunan admitted, hobbling painfully from the table to the desk. Small steps. “I understand they are a sort of vessel to house a spirit powered by a core, correct? Could something like that power Honey?”

“You really don't pay much attention to what goes on around here with the crew, do you,” Cagliostro groused. “Primals require Astral magic, so new primals can't simply be created from raw materials like a homunculus can. However, I think this is a promising line of research for you. I used the experiment reports to successfully reconstitute the body of a pair of heavily corrupted primal beasts. I wonder if we couldn't find some way to merge your lifespan rather than siphon it off...”

Bolstered by new hope, Sarunan crowded close to Cagliostro to read the papers she spread out over the desk. He had hypothesized about Lyria, one of the rare few who could see Honey, and rarer still, had an innate ability to link her life to the captain's. Lyria had some connection to Astral power and by extension, their beasts, and if she could only utilize that power for his benefit... But the captain would never allow him to experiment dark magic on Lyria, so he could never further his research. This, this was far more concrete.

“Azrael and Israfel, archangels of instruction,” Sarunan read aloud, eyes shining. The diagrams attached showed two separate entities, inhuman constructs with wings, and then – the abomination they were fused into, a jumble of parts that should not exist. Sarunan stared at the unholy patchwork of skin and organ and chaos matter, and felt a shiver that for once had nothing to do with the cold.

Cagliostro jabbed her finger proudly at the final diagram, which was covered in scrawling equations – no, recipes.

“Only a true genius could have reconstructed ancient Astral technology using alchemy and sheer guesswork while I was up to my elbows in their guts keeping them alive,” Cagliostro bragged. “I don't get nearly enough credit for what I do.”

“...That's incredible,” Sarunan murmured. “They're still alive... Two spirits inhabiting one body, sharing one life source without cannibalizing each other...”

Honey swirled around the room, iridescent colors shifting green-purple-blue in her excitement. She seemed to like the idea. If he could properly anchor her to his body, then perhaps he could even surrender control to her... Imagine, Honey inside of him, moving his limbs and speaking through his voice... Sarunan stifled a little whine of excitement. Oh, that would be ecstasy!

“Again, primal beasts run differently from mortals, so the technique couldn't be replicated for you,” Cagliostro reminded him. “But if we could cook up something like this core to allow you two to body share, it could buy you the time you need to get a proper body.”

Sarunan rocked back on his heels, eyes fever-bright with inspiration. This could be the breakthrough he'd been searching for. His breath caught painfully in his chest, and he whirled to stare at Cagliostro, suspicion darkening his countenance.

“Why share this with me. You don't owe me anything. What do you want in exchange,” Sarunan snapped.

Cagliostro smiled slowly, her devilish grin far too wide and far too sharp to be quite human.

“Call it scientific curiosity,” she said. “Your situation is intriguing. It's a puzzle. It's not every day I get to study a forbidden curse up close, let alone develop an entirely new way to cheat death. I'll help you develop the spellwork for this, if you share all your results for archival purposes.”

“You just want to see what happens,” Sarunan surmised. “You don't care if we live or die.”

“Nope, teehee!" Cagliostro winked, sticking out her tongue childishly. "That part is up to you. Either way, it should be fun for me!”

Honey chimed pleasantly, winding around his shoulders for the briefest moment before drifting back to the staff she was bound to. Sarunan hobbled to the corner to retrieve her, hugging the staff to his chest and nuzzling his cheek against the polished wood. Then he smiled to himself, feeling just a glimmer of his old confidence.

He and Honey were still alive, for now. And as long as he drew breath, they still had time together.

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  ~~boy i hear that lucilius guy is just the worst. what a bastard, amirite~~   
> 


End file.
